Meh
got back from work early today yay! met up with xabey the babey for lunch at our usual spot (da pork mee joint) and had a really loooong lunch / yum char session. as always, we end up talking about irrelevant issues and crap that doesnt affect our lives.
tho i got off work early today, its not without a price. i have to have dinner with da boss later in the evening. heck i'm supposed to be getting ready to go as it is already 5pm. but i'm just procrastinating and being lazy. i cant even play my game - lineage 2. those who are curious as to what the game's all about, let me know and i'll fill you in on how to play.
(lights a cigarette)
back to the story of my unconventionally conventional life. for the past 7 months or so, i've been pretty much on an emotional rollercoaster ride. that is to say, my downs are more than my ups. yes i do think about giving up all the time. i mentally tell myself that everything will be alright and that things will work out one day. a very good friend of mine - stephanie made a very good statement: "One day we'll all go without getting what we wanted". i think thats very true. we all often perceive life the way it should be and therefor we all strife to get it - sometimes NO MATTER what it takes. we push ourselves beyond our limits and boundaries just to see if we can really get it. question remains, what do we do after we've achieved it? the answer to that would probably be setting another goal for which we will want to strife for. will it be enough and sufficient for us? no. we humans will never be satisfied with what we have and thus pushing ourselves further to gain more.
no matter how hard we try to be 'just content' with what we have, we subconsciously place ourselves in another battle of achievement. be it that dress you saw at megamall even after getting that RM177 outfit from FCUK that you've been saving up for or even trying to change your partner's behaviour even though it took you more than a year to finally bend him/her to your will. truth is, we want a lot MORE than what we actually need. as for me, being single now is rather difficult. to be perfectly honest, i've been so used to having someone that i dont know how to be single. perhaps i am insecure. reason for my insecrutiy? i dont know. my heart is set on one person but at this present moment, that someone cant be with me as the circumstances are rather difficult for the both of us.
everyday, i think about him. how he's faring and all. yup, he pre-occupies my mind to a very large extent. he has become my motivation to do well in a lot of things. at this present moment, i try not to annoy him by texting or calling him for i know that may push him further away and thats what i dont want to do. its very complicated for the both of us - especially for him. i try not to complicate matters further.
*sigh*
yup, i'm one helluva pandora's box. lotsa shit and frills. i'm just grateful that i have good friends around me who once in a while manage to keep me sane from my already insane life.
ps: i'll try to update my site as soon as i can. as you can see, i've still not figured out my comment thingie and links to other sites such as other bloggers. do bear with me.
tho i got off work early today, its not without a price. i have to have dinner with da boss later in the evening. heck i'm supposed to be getting ready to go as it is already 5pm. but i'm just procrastinating and being lazy. i cant even play my game - lineage 2. those who are curious as to what the game's all about, let me know and i'll fill you in on how to play.
(lights a cigarette)
back to the story of my unconventionally conventional life. for the past 7 months or so, i've been pretty much on an emotional rollercoaster ride. that is to say, my downs are more than my ups. yes i do think about giving up all the time. i mentally tell myself that everything will be alright and that things will work out one day. a very good friend of mine - stephanie made a very good statement: "One day we'll all go without getting what we wanted". i think thats very true. we all often perceive life the way it should be and therefor we all strife to get it - sometimes NO MATTER what it takes. we push ourselves beyond our limits and boundaries just to see if we can really get it. question remains, what do we do after we've achieved it? the answer to that would probably be setting another goal for which we will want to strife for. will it be enough and sufficient for us? no. we humans will never be satisfied with what we have and thus pushing ourselves further to gain more.
no matter how hard we try to be 'just content' with what we have, we subconsciously place ourselves in another battle of achievement. be it that dress you saw at megamall even after getting that RM177 outfit from FCUK that you've been saving up for or even trying to change your partner's behaviour even though it took you more than a year to finally bend him/her to your will. truth is, we want a lot MORE than what we actually need. as for me, being single now is rather difficult. to be perfectly honest, i've been so used to having someone that i dont know how to be single. perhaps i am insecure. reason for my insecrutiy? i dont know. my heart is set on one person but at this present moment, that someone cant be with me as the circumstances are rather difficult for the both of us.
everyday, i think about him. how he's faring and all. yup, he pre-occupies my mind to a very large extent. he has become my motivation to do well in a lot of things. at this present moment, i try not to annoy him by texting or calling him for i know that may push him further away and thats what i dont want to do. its very complicated for the both of us - especially for him. i try not to complicate matters further.
*sigh*
yup, i'm one helluva pandora's box. lotsa shit and frills. i'm just grateful that i have good friends around me who once in a while manage to keep me sane from my already insane life.
ps: i'll try to update my site as soon as i can. as you can see, i've still not figured out my comment thingie and links to other sites such as other bloggers. do bear with me.
