Starry Starry Night
Paint your pallette blue and grey...
Just thought of that song, for some reason. I'm just sitting in my room staring at my monitor, thinking of how to write what I have inside my tortured soul.
Everything seems to be getting bleak. My heart is getting weaker. As the year draws closer to an end to make way for the new one, I've begun to reminisce on this year's fortunes and misfortunes.
I know it's pretty early to be writing this but I may not be able to remember what I'm thinking now. This year has been a pretty rough year. This is the year that I've experienced loss beyond what my heart can take. It's as if the gods have forsaken me and have left me here to rot in my watery grave of despair. Hope has left me as quickly as it came. Perhaps I've taken more things for granted than I really should. Perhaps this is the year I'm supposed to grow up. So many 'perhaps'.
My heart thumps heavily against the walls of my chest. Its pain cannot seem to be soothed. Panic sets in at all the wrong moments and depression washes over me like the ocean washes on the sandy beach amidst the calm of the air.
Just when I think I've got it all figured out, Pandora's box opens and its horror unleashes upon my unsuspecting already torn heart. One by one, they gnaw at the fabric of my existence and peace of mind. They don't seem to want to let me be.
Waking up everyday seems to be getting harder by each new day. Is there no end to this nightmare? Will I somehow wake up from this horrible dream?
Perhaps, one day, His Light will shine upon my broken body and tormented mind and by His Will, I'll be taken away from all that binds me to this nightmare.
In just one year, I've lost more than I have gained. Yes, some may say that I am greedy. Some may say I am selfish. Perhaps I am.
That's right. I'm sure many of you have wanted your whole cake and eat it. And just like me, many of you have bitten off more than you could chew.
On a lighter note, today is Hari Raya and I would like to take this opportunity to wish all of you a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Maaf zahir & batin. I wish all (Muslim or otherwise) simply because this is the time to let bygones be bygones. I ask for forgiveness from any of you that I may have offended in the past. Semoga semua dihalalkan.
Just thought of that song, for some reason. I'm just sitting in my room staring at my monitor, thinking of how to write what I have inside my tortured soul.
Everything seems to be getting bleak. My heart is getting weaker. As the year draws closer to an end to make way for the new one, I've begun to reminisce on this year's fortunes and misfortunes.
I know it's pretty early to be writing this but I may not be able to remember what I'm thinking now. This year has been a pretty rough year. This is the year that I've experienced loss beyond what my heart can take. It's as if the gods have forsaken me and have left me here to rot in my watery grave of despair. Hope has left me as quickly as it came. Perhaps I've taken more things for granted than I really should. Perhaps this is the year I'm supposed to grow up. So many 'perhaps'.
My heart thumps heavily against the walls of my chest. Its pain cannot seem to be soothed. Panic sets in at all the wrong moments and depression washes over me like the ocean washes on the sandy beach amidst the calm of the air.
Just when I think I've got it all figured out, Pandora's box opens and its horror unleashes upon my unsuspecting already torn heart. One by one, they gnaw at the fabric of my existence and peace of mind. They don't seem to want to let me be.
Waking up everyday seems to be getting harder by each new day. Is there no end to this nightmare? Will I somehow wake up from this horrible dream?
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could've told you, Vincent
This world was never meant
For one as beautiful as you
Perhaps, one day, His Light will shine upon my broken body and tormented mind and by His Will, I'll be taken away from all that binds me to this nightmare.
In just one year, I've lost more than I have gained. Yes, some may say that I am greedy. Some may say I am selfish. Perhaps I am.
"Let ye who have not sinned cast the first stone."
That's right. I'm sure many of you have wanted your whole cake and eat it. And just like me, many of you have bitten off more than you could chew.
As I lay down my head to sleep
I pray to God my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray to God my soul to take
Amen.
On a lighter note, today is Hari Raya and I would like to take this opportunity to wish all of you a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Maaf zahir & batin. I wish all (Muslim or otherwise) simply because this is the time to let bygones be bygones. I ask for forgiveness from any of you that I may have offended in the past. Semoga semua dihalalkan.
